A systematic way may still incorporate change and observance of the miraculous - of - results - while not building, as to eliminate possibilities through exclusion by observance of "success" or "the positive" - but - to incorporate through accumulations into the innate base - those things that seem like operation laws that are always present, but only, newly discovered...

...and how to actively explore, and not fall into being a passive receiver - of a miracle, and of the observation - of the indescribable beauty of life?.....

...perhaps a system of beauty, that is generated not by intellect, but by a shapeless sense of continuity and bliss - that satisfies the analytic need to a systematizer of ideas and information - because, it has innate form, and rational, even as it defined the categories and the borders of reason.... may be enjoyed and observed, and understood by the act of opening oneself to a miracle of life...

...which places matter outside of bliss into a neutral field that by the absence of bliss becomes a hell that is free of sensation, or awareness of one's living...

There is a bridge between these two fields, of bliss and other. But let me call them "blocks" for ease in talking of them as distinct objects, with substance continuity within them...

The bridge ... is.... waiting... the bridge itself, is the act and time and transitional object of the wait. Waiting holds within it a gravity in both directions - , to passivity and the familiar the old life..- and a gravity toward the power of what is fresh, and new, and, good - toward a transformation - the bridge, a suspended walkway that holds on it the influence of past and future, a future as forming in increments - as the bridge builds itself toward the direction of bliss - as increments of change add stone and wood to the construction - and weigh the mass, and hence the gravity - toward the bliss - the bliss, which is always refreshed - no matter how familiar - never "old," always - progressing - because, creation can become familiar, but is a state of movement - sustaining beauty and growing to higher levels as have not been before, so, always rolling out toward future indicated but unrealized experience, bliss, and time...

...the wait... is struggle to cross this bridge- and the object nature - of the bridge. And once crossed, the bridge - it withers as an old vine - the increments of movement are as past, and live as memory, the ghost of this bridge, which lives on in the bliss, the difficulties and struggles, as reminders in the bliss - of all that was changed, and gained, ...and striving toward the value that is true...as a reminder, so that bliss will not be turned away from, so another bridge will never form - a ghost - that haunts  the shallows that remain in every human soul, of ego and self love, a haunting that will keep in check - the influence of ill perspectives that have formed as parasitic traits - that steer to self destruction and negative behaviors of time and actions badly understood and reacted too, of fear and loneliness, and the living dying of hope when it has been too subject to a painful knife upon the nerves... and weakness made a perpetual house to dwell in, to keep from feeling struggle as failure, by embracing- failure - as dwelling.

To perform from the bridge, from the waiting.... to compose - from waiting -...is one form of affirmation toward its blissful side- . To compose, to perform - is a positive output of the struggle, a diary of tasks and questions to pose to a higher power - as the flight toward the good cannot be done as an ego laden individual - the ego discolors purity of the good, ego is the inward spiral that at it reaches its center will extinguish itself, at the end of a spiral of behavior and self gratification, which is inconsistent with the good, which as a place of bliss - is a place that is shared - by an object or objects of giving - a singular object - first - will spin from it a giving field of its own - as the approach is made by the suitor and his/her need to offer up the future in exchange for the shedding of the past- some marriage rituals embrace this - giving away - to a new place. For a man and a woman, in the perfect love, it concerns offering all - worldly connection, past, and remnant of self - which cling as last vestige of the ego.  In the abstract, it is a series of relationships of matter, interaction, and proportions. In the theoretical, it is a relation of topological forms, liquid in nature, but discrete and distinct within their own borders as they approach the other, so to mix, soon to compound, and make an indistinguishable connection of interconnected parts - as a chemical bond - but then, reduced - to a purity - that is  rather - elemental - and, irreducible from the compounded state - to an elemental one - that represents an elemental equivalent - of the compound.  Performing and composing then, from this, is like the action of fluids as they move to reform in the way described.

The ...questions... posed as performance and composition - in this place - is the force that stirs - it is the power of innate reason of the human node- in collaborative form with the striving to give, to be free of ego - in the pursuit of the feeling of perfection and bliss - and the place of bliss- that results from giving - the questions - address also innately - the block of other. To reform as question of nature and analysis removes the block of other from its place as past experience and looks at as a set of values as a template - placed against a second, that of the projected bliss, as thought about in future terms, as resulting from indications along a path of good - a progression of completion and expectation - that is partly realized, as it is not yet formed - in terms of contrast to past ego laden experience, the other, as template, against which expected bliss is place, and, like a filter, allowed to let pass what portions may pass into the bliss- the past - that perhaps has been - a building material which may be committed to the building of the bridge - because, it is - a positive - only, attached by vicinity - to the ego, and the negative manifestations of the past.

The Afterego ; the remaining vessel

In keeping with the materials and approaches of the reduced lens as has been described along the way, in the process of graphic notation generation, the questions - may be posed with the use of reduced matter, reduced action, that approaches the world of basic physic and phenomenon - in a kind of intuitive research. While it might appear it is formal, as it is SURformal, it is infused with subjective experience, second meaning as metaphorical reading, and the life experience of performer once stripped of affectation of ego, submitting the remaining vessel  (the afterego) to a process of attachment - to the actions, materials, and resulting affects - of reduced focus physic and inquiry. The process- like the laying down of templates, of the other and the bliss upon each other, forms a steam of its own, while pushing through and giving flow to particles of "good" suspended from the filtering effect of the two templates - building up the bridge, like stones moved by a river to a delta - and leads into the future to be enjoy with the bliss. So, in waiting, we stand aside from other and from bliss- we turn them as if objects, when flatten them, as templates and use to filter and cancel out - in waiting, we suspend - the past and future - and without the ego, (afterego) move with fearlessness to question fear, and bliss, and we compare - as if a machine -
our goodness, put outside aside perhaps in air beside the bridge above the abyss - which if we fell into would be like as a funnel to the other - where all else but bliss - will go - as is the nature of the other gravity, the nature of the gravity within abyss-.... which pulls to other.... it is the Afterego which allows operations from the bridge - a place where self would be too lost, the bridge, where in truth, the future is
already done - but still unfolding, like a dream dreamed twice... the self is owned by ego - the Afterego gives itself away to objects of its love - the vessel - after --- ego - pure, without the fear, or doubt, or questions of the right and wrong, which needn't weigh moralities as there is only one thing moral, where the Afterego is inside itself, in the atmosphere of good - which makes the air around the place - of bliss.

...an object- to attach to will come, but only on its own, and in its time its own or my the time through which it is governed in its progress from a place to here before the waiter... - but waiting - suspended - without action, without movement, on the bridge- this waiting=- taking time - for the object to arrive - is possible for Afterego - but, for that alone - there is no other state in which one could bare the waiting.... behavior draws back to the other- behavior motivated by the ego's will - and seeing as the object comes - to know which object is the one one waits for - only seen by after vessel - only pure eyes - can distinguish - the nature that is right, the time that is ready, the purpose and the way to move - to give the all.

What eyes to see...

...the eyes see- different from the vessel before ego - or transformed? Are the eyes- in fact different eyes? To give away oneself - makes eyes as not ones own - and one then sees- without possession or in fact possessing what is seen, and this will change the eyes - as they are given - to a seeing of the object to direct the giving to - the object where the eyes belong - through which the object then may see itself- from outside of its vessel - to give the eyes- is to see without the eyes, but to see - with the sense remaining - of what these given eyes - will see- directed - to the object - which is the true possessor - of - them, the eyes. Like giving love - returns a greater sense - of love.

And so, suspended on the bridge - ... waiting ... composing in the time of wait.... performing there... before the object.... comes.... preparing and retaining - Afterego preparing best - the heart...for giving to the object... then the eyes - go - given - first- while that object hasn't come - the future has rolled back - and manifest- the moment- for the eyes to be given away -....

- lines, powers, giving up possession, vessels, out of vessels, dismissal of ego -
- eyes given before the object comes, direction, times, from past to future, happened,  not yet occurred, but already done as dreams dreamed twice -

waiting
waiting
waiting

- how to act, suspended between two blocks that are opposed but of a different balance of strengths - depending on the preparation of the vessel on the bridge between -

and influence
to compose
to
perform
to
give
from
before
the perfect
state of bliss

and then after waiting when the object comes is

waiting
no more
stepping
into bliss

- but this then limits such as is performed or then composed when on this bridge - to a time - to a space - and segment of the vessel's being - it will end, and no more bridge work - when one moves to bliss, or falls - to other - so can it be performed and then composed - from out the bridge - from bliss - as artifact as composition past, not done in now, but over?  And as some elements are done alone in now, as spontaneous, if revisited, is there a risk - that bliss be lost - by moving back - i think that, yes, a risk too great to lose the bliss to back up into waiting - once in bliss, only is it best to move ahead and not return - to have it done, for this one anyway, once one has moved - but leave it for another, if they would be guided, onto bridges of their own - as it may help for yet one other to be finding where to be and how to be to wait and find the object and then move - into the bliss. So, originally, one that makes this premise and supposition makes the work and then will hand it on as theory from the word, and someone not in bliss will find it and perform and then compose, until that time for them is done, and they will move, and know it, time to stop and let the bridges fall, or move along - .... and let another build their own...

...will a language be formed of signs and graphic lines to represent the performing and the composing on the bridge - it must address the gap and preparation to the state to give, and influence that comes behind and then in front when on the bridge - so it suggests an outer form that states the metaphor and appearance in the mind - of a transition, and two blocks it lays between - and what is done as influenced by oppositions, and, the qualities of these oppositions and the things that resonate and make for moving forward or then back - and all the nature of the Afterego and the vessel thus prepared- 

to give away one's life

bubbles rising up
through still water

activity demands a lever so that leverage may move, to move toward the block of bliss... These levers may be signs, motivations, or objects, or other associations that have fallen like threads into the other and onto the bridge - to take these up, and to use for leverage may become the gist of performance - and activity - so to push upon the path - not to force the future, but ti move as if through premonition - into the natural away that leads to where one needs to be - .

It is a difficult thing, to leave behind - life as we know it - for the unexperience of the unfamiliar - ... of the - transformed. While ego must fall away, will and resolve must remain - they are the tools of clarity and the good. How do you do "good" with an inanimate material? Firstly, we must not think it unalive - it is matter, as us, and needs respect- even, love - we try to see what it wants, what it needs, and how it might want to communicate - then, we see to it - not forcing - but, giving to it, and exchanging with it - our energy, our strength of action - trying to find what it might not have, but wants - and this is what it is to perform with materials.

where do my thoughts of her end
and art begin
i wonder
perfect metaphors
and perfect likenesses
of circumstance
from one lead to the other
back and forth
as journeys
and changing
and
as forces of desire
and a will outside ourselves
as if
the things we hold
are nothing more
than signs
and compass
to our lives
among
the lives...

...is it possible or even desirable to separate the matters of a formal/ SURformal constitution and approach that is the analytic mind - from personal matter - where SURformal allows in it an accounting for the subjective and experiential  - yet, seeks as a set of rules to categorize and quantify - I think - it must be accounted for and aknowledged as a something derived of a source that is a human psyche and a human pit of conflicting orbits of the things that are thrust into it, and the things it thrusts itself into -  in the organic living process of mind with body -  it is in this way, all expressive, all impressionistic in a literal sense - no matter how far we distance with a stick of reason or procedure on the difficulties that emotion and response present -... if we struggle too much with the logic and language of the perceived taxonomy,  we do nothing more effective than create an apostrophe between two unrelated things  - we have not understood, we have only made another or parallel separation that is not even different, not even amplified, of the relations between mind and spirit - and put off the dealing with the separation - by filling up time with more of the same.

Sustaining the mental framework of a field

...when the physical equivalents are out of our range - how do we - connect to the necessary sustenance ? It requires a special...rigor. It requires a focus to bring a memory image - distinct from learning or living from the past - but, recalled presence as with the return of an imprint - as a template over the senses - to bring the imprint to the occurrence of the present time - .

green dot
green light
green condition
green point imprint
green ecstasy
a screen upon the eyes and senses
like a pegboard
made of small green lights

pegboard
holes are filled
with green lights
staring at it
printing on the eyes when closed
green ecstasy
one
point
at
a
time
.

...of a sequence - of the green passage, of words, to electric lines
of sounds and voice and sighs...

supportive channels as we find them
to return into the imprint time
and draw it into senses now
returns
"legitimate"
she said
from sight of words recalled the image
to the sounds supportive channels
parsing of the inputs
of events that were imprinted
now sustained
returned
to ecstasy.

 ...drawing the imprint onto the senses - through a kind of conjuring - perhaps, a rhythm of word sounds, a rhythm on image, and moving.... and sequence - of sound, word, and sensation... and, associations of these post birth imprints, which are perhaps innate tendencies, associations with basic biologically programed behaviors and organic patterns - these associations - that connect in purpose to the rudimentary and basic set of human drives and motivations - expands and extends - the range of this basic set-

creates the bridge
on which we pass
on which we WAIT
for what awaits to be materialized -

and it
seems like
so much
waiting

...the brain that suffers that directs the life to fill itself of what it needs, as does a liver process and take and reject, as a heart pumps, or kidney too or marrow make - ...

the small and gains and struggles enlarge - in the many contexts of the apex that is the organism as it passes mobile through changing fields - ...


the birth of creation...

question to pose answers to

what made the act of creation

was creation invented or is creation not creation while still being occurrence ?

why is creation ?

is a child when born the notation of a future of occurrence ?

is likeness similarity of two joining to form a third conservative ?

is disparate distant racially distant joining a more innovative and fresh creation ?

will it be notation of a more singular life ?

will it be the start of a tradition from a first form as a prime mover as in theory of  God ?

will our child and any that follow from us be first and unique of their kind ?

will more pass on than genetics ?

 will west mix fluid  with east through the blood of memory ?

how will we influence, or will we at all influence ?

?

To contemplate- and to feel - the imperative - to reproduce - with one who sparks that very distinct motivation and drive - to make a life - you mid goes to a kind of composition - in life, a mere speculation of what the facts may produce at crucial moments of conception, but yet - is not composition in a free and unfettered realm of open notation  - such a thing as well? who can predict - the realization - of composition, done for the first time, in the first of its form, never performed but only refined as notational system...

So i contemplate notation, and regeneration of physical birth from union, and contemplate the parts- the physical. the spiritual of the components. Interracial mixing - asian, but, unique as individual entity  - different - not "typical" example - spiritually - Christian among mostly not but other tradition - in spirit, more - almost - shamanistic - Much passed on in blood, and possibly blood tradition, but also, influence - where outlook is in environment and will be quite specific and unique - yet, who can predict or speculate with accuracy - what is formed - and what changes and what evolves over durations of a created life? I? Western, Swiss/German entirely on father side, Hungarian on mother's side - that,  too if taken as history as well as blood - but -  as will motivation of art creation... taken, from life...

generation - from love - and wish to grow on after - and, an act of making, creating as the best that one can do, the best that two can do together when they join... what is life -

Tendrils across the Divides

Connecting like distant nodes, communications across available lines - lives draw together in impossible ways, like the faith that brings trust and truth, and pulls to bring to physical proximity - the world too wide, these nodes too tightly bound to keep apart... the strings are pulled - like through two narrow holes that are so far apart -  can art and thought find means through filtered separations and localities that generalize self interested necessity - ? What forms can these take from the OVER necessity of demands for proximity, responses to this pull of likeness and emotional gravities, that abut these generalized necessities - for local continuity, and compartmental separation, based in less gravitation, but no less forcefully confined - as borders, law, the monetary, and political? These difficulties - that are based in the physical, and the rules that govern locality and order within a world view outside of nature, and against it? So these lines - must become - like water- to flow through ways that don't fall to the generalized massing of walls and barriers - through the gaps - and pockets - so waters may flow, to far places, together? It is possible - a way through the walls and barriers - by use of them considering the nature of the walls and barriers - by living outside of what then force upon us from within them - strictures of dwelling, of nationalities - and lumping time allowed in small allotment - for visit, or travel, or short approvals and legitimacy - to place upon ourselves a local template of this legitimacy - for the stringing together of longer terms, of finding fixed placements through linkage - of restrictive conditions? How - do we come together - retaining our separate natures - within the mass- of imposed conditions? Is there escape, or is there - a disappearance through adaptation and thus, invisibility - through a medium ? Can a set of conditions that we claim are the markers for our or one's "life and times" be thrown - over - thus making the holder of this set of experiences and conditions - absent even while still being - outside of the outline of characteristic markers - and then be allowed through this absence - to move aside- and into - some ideal or desired or needed - condition - of the unity with other -  as a marker by this new presence - of a new condition, which will also grow and become more in detail, and more filled out and defined - but, in a state of natural representation - having followed - the strongest impulse which pulled them free- and now, with heart - to drive what forms as outline 'round this new and moved collection of some "life and times"...?

Just last night, i took a little something - that would assure i would be awake all night. I went to bed at 11:00 P.M. and was quite relaxed in body, so i could lay very still, flat on my back - but my brain was completely lucid and not tired for the whole night. I stared through the dark at the ceiling and pictured - her face- and - a comfortable moment - when she lay across my lap, and fell asleep - and i stroked her hair - for a long time - this image filled me - for the entire night- i didn't vary from the image/perfect moment, but was able to sustain it continuously as if in a loop for eight hours, my body hardly moving at all - i was as completely still as i have ever been - probably, more so than if i had been sleeping. The single image- was like a bridge - which grew in solidity as the hours passed - and, i was tranquil - and in an emotionally steady state - of being at the door of bliss- short of only because the physical proximity was not there- but - the image, in this - loop - was very close - to a physical reality of the closeness of that perfect image/moment. It was- as the state, as in the "Prayer Clock" s one of deep but not strained concentration - where my mind became that moment, and i was relatively "blissed out" - and in fact, deeply in a kind of prayer - which is sort of how it started - i did first pray to God - to protect her - as she is climbing the highest mountain in her country - at the time i believe when i was staring at the ceiling, on the other side of the globe. So, a bridge was attempted, and, formed - I felt was with her very closely in spirit - such as i imagine my spirit is - and, would hope - she could detect my presence - as in the past, with "Prayer Clocks" I think i was able to - make some contact happen - .
Part is belief - and, typically maybe of some kinds of magic, the recipient of the effort would know there is a communication attempted - in this case, not - forgoing that - to trying to form an effective connection without foreknowledge on the part of the recipient...  in the morning, i got up before the alarm went off, and went, and made coffee - with no ill effects of fatigue from the long night awake - it was as if i had really had a restful sleep - the image i dwelled on - effectively served the purpose of dreaming i imagine, and my body was perhaps relaxed as if sleeping because of the nature of the image - . I was effectively away from the body -

the systemic diversion prospect - from order -through simply following ...
Abutment Pretense and Sequences

...confronting failure or a too familiar pattern  of form (being used typically systematic rooted) through incidental, and, subconsciously adjacent and connected (or not) (or, not known) images, actions, passages of moments and objects - to sequence as if performance directed, but, arbitrary as far as systemic construct is concerned...to construct, through intense focus on a "focus quest" or "motive quest" to derive specific image event and thing - so, it is - pristinely reduced to purity and atomically  irreducible -  this such pocket or aggregate across disciplinary channel - is abutted with more - such self contained constructs - and - if pure - contains - answer as a glue to hold systemic matters in relation  to each other in a place and placeholder - and, it takes - this form of glue ... to overcome a dulling effect, which is like a tired gene pool - an outside quality - may be introduced - to energize, to build, to adjoin to expanding reference and meaning, through perfection of narrowing - ... a glue - between the systems that are like life systems, required to produce and reproduce, but needing - the spark - of innovation - that is material - and conceptual both ... and added in, desire - and motivations - of the spirit - to be free - from confines that become too thorough - too complete and automated  - and slow the growth beyond itself - and input as this glue - to keep and hold in growing path, in growing directions - as organic as a brach - whose shape is never as we might envision that branch - the branches that always surprises, when we see it in nature, that surprises - us - in where it self determines it will go - so unlikely - and, not based on previous growth - or, example - of some other branch ... this is then an unpredictable parsing - reductions as action, separation of elements - forms branches of shapes we cannot predict ... that pull us from our formulations ...

What is a closed loop of string and three small wooden posts .... on the floor - forming a tight stringed triangle... while performing a single or two dowel swings in the air... effort or force of the swing also equals speed of swing compared - ...the sweep of action and power of intent, the string and post the forming of triangle and triangulation with three variable positions and corner angles ...is a legion or guide for that energy contained in the subtle swing ....

...markings, like signs for reading from high above, or, to unseen or late arrivals - messages imbedded in coherent streams that seems like dust or unintended matters on the edges of content - ... these placements are peripheral frames enclosing content like a fat to fill a pouch, like piping to a filling, as to demonstrate the pipe ... substance, to move through forced into an order as compressed to fit through opening and tunnel forms - ...

...and a containing form, turned upside down, and tipped will spill out lines inclined to rise - on which are other forms that may contain - and spill, depending on their tilt - .... and these are portions of a thing revealed - exposed, performed - from content held, and as a group, from left and right, and spilling, either way - defines a series or an order - of these things revealed and others, not - ....containers, the large, and small - .. encapsuled life ....