Opening letter concerning peripheral involvement with “Oneye” projects …Lewis Gesner

    I am not often one to ask for advice regarding creative decision. I recognize, I have faulty reasoning abilities about life decisions, as I know I have made some very large errors amid my amazing occasional luck  but I feel no lack of clarity when it comes to what is consistent or not in my own work. It is not pride, only knowing. But, now I find I am unclear about something in that realm. Perhaps then, I have been deluded all along. Possibly, I am even as one of those artists I have held secret criticism for, who I determined are on a meaningless path, or who are without authenticity. The self doubt is horrible at a mature age. It can be as the walls have fallen down.. You are left standing, amid the rubble of your pretension, which you thought was your fortress of wisdom.  This is brought about because of my unplanned study and involvement with projects having to do with the “Oneye” phenomenon, as a whole, and, also having to do with the individual artists. It has become difficult to think of my work, because, I have lost track of its tail. Curators and organizer have zealously taken up the cause of study and making this material public, and prematurely I think. I thought, the effect is on the uncreative mind. But now I suspect, it is deeper, and broader in influence. It makes all unsure in the wake of this immense and purposeful work. The overshadowed wish to be a part, in any way, to give alms, to worship, to raise up. I watch myself with some horror now, the mature artist, with no sense of his own self or accomplishment. I blame the work of the “Oneye.” I should turn away from it, and cut off my interest. I know, this is what I should do. But I feel it is unlikely it will happen. It becomes an obsession. I am ashamed, because I find myself to be… so common. I will warn then, though I think it will be futile, as this work’s influence is bound to spread like virus. Maybe you do not want to let yourself go to that concert, or view that exhibition, even though your friends say it is important for you to see. You should not trust those who have already let themselves. And, I am beginning to wonder, is the purpose of this work so securely fixed, that it may not be adapted for corrupt use, like some alien technology in our science fiction myths? I wonder too, what advice I should ask for. I feel confident suddenly as I write – in this new view. Yet, I think, I return to study this work, and dismiss my own. It seems like a small cost. Then, this work has destroyed my own. I must think about that, and wonder what THAT means. And, I should return to my distance, to my intellectual coldhouse, and refrain from writing letters and exposing what might be emotional weakness, which is no better than exposing your belly. I should protect myself in the future , steeling myself to possible assault. Especially if I am going to be going about the spread of works associated with “Oneye.”  I can feel a worm growing in me. I think I will slip away in the night, and my body will continue to use my name, but those who know me will not recognize my voice. I will be at the service of another. Then, disregard this, what began as a request for advice, I have solved my problem myself. Sometimes, writing something out is all that is needed.  Continued… I listened overnight to some new recordings of instrumental music derived from Nattle, recording in several cathedrals around Eastern Europe, churches dating mostly the medieval period. The resonance in those spaces is amazing, and I have heard some of them  before, used for recording of Arvo Part….and, in a cathedral in Kromeriz, in Czech Republic, a piece by Part was debuted …. It was so …. vibiratory …. But Nattle, well, Nattle … organizes the space. Even these are transpositions out of his “medium” which was really only an orderly system in this case, but, one with a special way, bringing order in a way that makes the matter - …I think I have been up for some weeks, thinking about the process, and now these recordings, I think, a few more nights…. At this quiet space they call the “cloister” in the R.O.C. – and maybe I will know what Nattle means to say, or if these interpreters have misunderstood, and all it does is make me insane … forgive my informal style like I know you, but the hour has been late for many days, and I am inclined to feel on close terms with any human who may interact with me-. I think there is someone at the door –

     Has it been some days since I started this, or a month – I feel on my face, my beard has grown, I have  lost my feeling for time. So occupied by the slower and the speedy movements outside of my own functions, I try to slow like the turtle to catch, and speed my mind and eye like the hummingbird to witness, those things for which Nattle composed, those treatments of awareness of the “Oneye” space – and I have come to know in artist in my part of the world where I am dwelling, who has moved to near a high mountain, and who now spends less time contained in walls, and who gradually becomes less hinged on the door of the doing-what can-be-seen-for-those-to-see….  And works in wilderness and in all weather, and on the side of the mountain – this work in not contained, but becomes a part so, you can not see that it is made a part, but so involves with where it is, it is not ….seen…. and, I must think and rethink, what is this invisible, undetectable phenomenon that is still their product, the result of work, or labor, but is as not there, or not labored, or made? I wonder, at the possible possibility, of something made to match the making of a hypothetical thing, invented as a thing already perceived, composed as analysis of the perception as if, before the fact, after it has been, hypothetically, composed - …

     I begin to wonder at invisible things, I think about the reconstruction of a thing from let me see, its byproduct, or, from what it has made, and then, to reconstruct the same attempt, from what it has ruined …. I start to think, it can be read from absence, it can be read from the world in which it is, from the world in which it is not …